Mathematics of Success

This equation should be taught in all math classes!

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L- S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND,
look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Ang Cellphone at ang Bible

This is written in my native language Tagalog, its a funny comparison of the usage of the Bible and Cellphone. If you want an English translation inform me and I will try my best to translate it.

>
> Ang cellphone laging hawak ipinapakita,
> Ang Bible laging nakatago at ayaw ipakita.
>
> Ang cellphone binibili kahit libo-libong halaga,
> Ang Bible ayaw bilhin, kahit isang daan ang halaga.
>
> Ang cellphone laging pinapalitan ng case,
> Ang Bible hindi man lang mabilhan ng case.
>
> Ang cellphone ay ayaw magasgasan,
> Ang Bible hinahayaang maalikabukan.
>
> Ang cellphone bihirang makaligtaan kung saan iniwan,
> Ang Bible madaling makaligtaan kung saan naiwan.
>
> Ang cellphone mahirap ipahiram, baka masira,
> Ang Bible madaling ipahiram, kahit mawala.
>
> Ang cellphone laging binabasa kung may bagong message,
> Ang Bible hindi binabasa kaya hindi makita ang message.
>
> Ang cellphone message masarap i-share.
> Ang Bible verse nakakalimutang i-share.
>
> Ang cellphone pinapakita ang lifestyle ng tao,
> Ang Bible nagpapabago ng lifestyle ng tao.
>
> Ang cellphone mabilis maluma,
> Ang Bible hindi naluluma.
>
> Ang cellphone message kung minsan ay late,
> Ang Bible laging on time ang message.
>
> Ang cellphone kailangan magload para mag-message,
> Ang Bible laging fully loaded ang message.
>
> Ang cellphone ay mahalagang gamit ng tao,
> pero ang Bible ay mas mahalaga kung gagamitin ng tao.
>
> Ang ganda di ba? Sa'n ka pa?
> I-forward mo kaya o itago nlang?
> It's up to you.....
>

Why we work so hard

Want to know why u r working so hard?

On the very first day of the world, God created the cow.
He said to the cow:"Ah Gu (cow), today I have created you!
Your job is to go to the field with the farmer all day long.
You will provide the energy to pull things!
You will also provide milk for people to drink!
You are to work all day under the sun!
In return, you will only eat grass.
For that, you will have a life span of 50 years."
Ah Gu objected.
"What.. I work all day in the sun and I get only to eatgrass!
On top of that, I have to give my milk away!
This is tough and you want me to live 50 years!
I'll take 20 and you can have the remaining 30 years back!"
God agreed.

On the next day, God created the dog.
He said to the dog :"Ah Kow (dog), I have created you for a purpose.
You are to sit all day by the door of your master's house!
Should anyone come in, you are to bark at them!
In return, you will eat your master's leftovers.
I'll give you a life span of 20 years."
Ah Kow objected."
What! I have to sit by the door all day and will need to bark at people,
and what do I get...LEFTOVERS...This isn't right,
I'll take 10 and you can havethe remaining 10 years back!"

God agreed again.On the third day,
God created the monkey.He said to the monkey :
"Lao Kao (monkey), your job is to entertain people.
You will make them laugh, act stupid and make faces!
You will also do somersaults and swing on trees to amaze them.
In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts.
For that, I'll give you 20 years to live."
Naturally the monkey objected."
This is ridiculous,I gotta make faces and make people laugh
lets not even come to the part about the trees and somersaults.
Tell you what, I'll give 10 years of my life to thank youfor my existence and I'll take 10.
What do you think?"
God agreed again.

On the forth day, God created humans.
God said to the man:"You are my best piece of work,
for that, you willonly need to sleep, eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep again and do nothing else.
You will get to eat all the best things and play with the best toys.
All you need to do is enjoy all your life.
For this kinda of life, I'll give you 20 years."
Just like the rest, the man objected.*
"What, all I need to do is relax and enjoy myself and Ihave only 20 years to live?
Tell you what, you've 30 years back from Ah Gu, 10years from Ah Kow
and another 10 from Lao Kao and
you probably don't know what to do with all those lives.
Why not I take them all and I'll have 70 years to live?"
God being such good natured, agreed with a smile

.....AND THAT IS WHY.....

We eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years of ourlives when we are growing up.
Work like a cow for the next 30 to raise our family.
Sit outside the door and bark at people for the next 10when we are retired.
And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren for the final 10 years.